Unpredictable Life

As I started on the first day of the school holidays, I was welcomed by news of my mother losing her memory. Thank goodness she's still able to recognise all of us, speech is still coherent and limbs are mobile. All she could not remember is things that happened a few days ago and whatever that she has planned for the future. When I rushed to the A&E in CGH to meet up with my dad, I just patted her on the shoulder and stroked her hand.

She just turned and looked at me and asked, "Aren't you teaching today?" I replied, "It's the start of the school holidays and I just went for supplementary class today." 5 minutes later, she asked again, "Not teaching today?" This question went on for about 8 times every 5 - 10 minutes. Her next question was what day it was. She asked about 8 times every 10 - 15 minutes. Her retention of memory is not there. We don't know what's the actual cause of this loss of memory. Throughout the few hours when we were waiting to see the doctor in the A&E as well as wait for a bed space, she kept telling us that she could not remember what had happened last two days and didn't even remember going to bed the night before.

Mummy has always been reasonably active. She reads alot and even does crossword puzzles at home. Every now and then, she thinks of new recipes and tries them out to feed my dad and all of us when we go back for family gatherings. She goes out with friends for lunch, tea and shopping as well.

We were wondering whether the charity show screened the night before had any impact on her before she went to bed. Throughout the show, my dad said that she didn't cry out loud and they completed the whole show together. The next morning when she got up, my dad found her sitting and staring into space and when she went out to the living room and kitchen, she started asking my dad why there were sooo many biscuits, nuts around. She even asked him who bought them.

I was trying to keep my sanity. I was worried for my mum and didn't know how I can help her. On the other hand, I had to look after Allyson and take her back from school. By 7pm, I suddenly felt soo tired and very emotional. Allyson was rather active and refused to lie still while i was wiping her. It took me half hour to settle her. After feeding her porridge, I could not stop crying. Maybe it's the stress knowing that there's lots of work waiting for me in school, my mum's condition and moreover, I was alone at home. Jasper had to attend classes till 8.30pm. I sms my good friend Jenny and asked if she could come over to accompany us.

I just couldn't take it any more. It happened so many times. Whenever I have time to stay back in school to complete work, something is bound to happen. WHY?!? I'm trying very hard to be more optimistic and keep an open mind or else I may just slip into depression.